bum steer lyrics

Bar - B - Q Bob, Too Late for Tequila, Girlfriend Stole My Alien, Lou Short for Loser, Groovy Situation, Rokit Scyntist, Who Put the Cunt in Cuntrey ?, How Can Evil Look So Good ?, I've Been Your Good Thing, I Like it That Way, Pachinko, Rocket Ship, Astropad, Dixie Cannonball, Home on the Moon

Bar B - Q Bob

(written and sung by Bob)

Here comes the man with his big black wagon
(bar b q bob´s back in town)
Got pig on the bun and smoked salmon
(bar b q bob´s throwing down)

Hot baked beans and pickled pink pigs feet
(bar b q bob´s back in town)
Biggest steaks you ever did see
(bar b q bob´s throwing down)

Big Hamburgers and spicy chicken
(bar b q bob´s a bar b q man)
Foot long sausage with lots a hot sauce
(bar b q bob´s got a greasy plan)

Masquite smoked rattler and armadillo
(bar b q bob´s cookin´suppa)
Pabst Blue Ribbon and hot taters
(got a ice-chest in the back of his truck)

Bar b q bob´s back in town
Bar b q bob´s a go´n round
Bar b q bob´s a throw´n down

Too Late for Tequila

(written and sung by Jem)

Oh great Toscanini,
Kiss of cherubini,
He's whistling Puccini, ok,
Seems like the sweeney,
Have locked up Houdini,
Their orders he would not obey
In a red lambourghini,
Sleek, fast and dreamy,
Fellini could not get away,
From the charms of Irene,
In her teeny bikini,
Before her he knelt down and prayed

I'm drowning,
In Martini,
Irene is screaming "ole !",
Come up and see me,
She's squeezing my weeny,
Feels like zuchini today

Dogs are dozing,
Stores are closing,
The neon lights the way,
To a little cantina,
Where my senorita,
Is singing and dancing away,
With a used car exported,
From south of the border,
Who says "won't you snorter cocaine ?"
He's shouting "you oughter,
I sell you my daughter,
10 bucks and a barrel of grain"

It's too late for tequila,
She steala my heart away,
Tequila won't heala,
The pain that I feel,
It's too late for tequila today

My darling come near,
I shed many tears,
The thought of you drives me insane,
When you are near,
I tremble my dear,
My poor heart it beats like a train,
Come blow in my ear,
With your touch gently steer,
Me to a place of amore,
I can tell by your leer,
My kiss holds no fear,
Together we'll scream, end of story

Please bring me,
More whiskey,
Klaus Kinski I drink to your face,
It's risky when shitski,
To try squeezing zitzkis,
Bring me more whiskey, today

I'm drowning,
In Martini,
Irene is screaming "ole !",
Come up and see me,
She's squeezing my weeny,
Feels like zuchini today

It's too late for tequila,
She steala my heart away,
Tequila won't heala,
The pain that I feel,
It's too late for tequila today

Girlfriend Stole My Alien

(written and sung by Jem)

I was down in the desert in the deep deep night
oh lordy what did I see ?
a meteorite a burning bright
heading straight for me
there was a boom and a crash and a mighty flash
oh lordy what did I see ?
I was in the arms of an alien
and my girlfriend staring at me

girlfriend stole my alien
cos she's jealous of me
my aliens got four heads
and my girlfriend she's only got three

I said its got four heads but its got no face
so don't be jealous baby
she said that's worse, if it's got no face
it's going to be less ugly than me

girlfriend stole my alien
cos she's jealous of me
my aliens got four heads
and my girlfriend she's only got three

they took me out to the edge of the town
to the doc in his laboratory
sent me out on a deep space mission
my girlfriend made an alien out of me

girlfriend stole my alien
cos she's jealous of me
my aliens got four heads
and my girlfriend she's only got three

Lou, Short for Loser

(written and sung by Jem)

If I had a dollar
For every word that rhymed with pain,
I'd be a wealthy man with a sad old song,
To whistle in the rain

I was down on the corner, holes in my shoes,
No money in my pocket, singing the blues,
A stranger said son, "here's a dollar for you",
Put it in my pocket, it fell straight through.
I prayed to the lord, won't you be my friend,
he picked me up, dropped me down again,
I turned to the devil, the devil refused,
He said "hell's too full for a fool like you"

My name is Lou, short for loser,that's my name,
Lou, short for loser,that's my name
Like a raisin withered on the vine of life,
I got no friends, got no wife,
Lou, short for loser,that's my name

Well I was tired of life and I started thinking,
I'd be better off dead,
Took a gun down from the wall,
held it to my head,
I sat there thinking how my life might have been ,
If my mamma had named me Hank,
Pulled the trigger,
Goodbye world,
But the goddam thing was blank

My name is Lou, short for loser,that's my name,
Lou, short for loser,that's my name

If I had a dollar
For every tear I'd ever cried,
I'd have myself a river of tears,
Jump right in and die

My name is Lou, short for loser,that's my name,
Lou, short for loser,that's my name

Groovy Situation

(written by Keith Rowe, sung by Bob)

Rokit Scyntist

(written and sung by Jem)

I never went to school, but I ain't no fool
I can tie my shoe and hold a pen
write my name and count to ten
can you ?
When I was 23, my mama said to me
son sit on my knee, I'll teach you a, b, c
d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v
w, x, y, zee

I'm a rokit scyntist, I'll spell that for ye
r.o.k.i.t.s.c.y.
n.t.i.s.t

I never had a job, but I ain't no slob
I can dig a hole and shovel coal
Got a mind that's weak and a back that's strong
have you ?
I can walk a dog and I can feed a hog
push a broom around a yard, chase a chicken 'til it's tired
can you ?

I'm a rokit scyntist and I live in a rubber room
count my steps from left to right
I won't be out too soon

I got no i.q., my brain cells are few
but that don't bother me, cos rocket science is easy
take a ton of dynamite
wrap it up neat and tight
pack it in a tube
put a man in a cube
sit him on top
and light the fuse
ok ?
I've been on t.v., a documentary
I'm famous you see, I'm a big celebrity
Baikonur, Houston T,
at lift off time that's where I'll be
cos I'm
the countdown man
the countdown man
the countdown man

I'm a rokit scyntist, I'm the countdown man
10, 9, 8, 7, 6,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1

I'm a rokit scyntist, I'll spell that for ye
r.o.k.i.t.s.c.y.
n.t.i.s.t

I'm a rokit scyntist and I live in a rubber room
count my steps from left to right
I won't be out too soon

Who Put the Cunt in Cuntrey ?

(written and sung by Bob and Jem)

C.U.N.T.R.E.Y.
Who put the cunt in cuntrey ?
It might have been Johnny, it might have been Hank,
Who put the cunt in cuntrey,
Waylon or Willie, Conway or Merle,
Tammy or Dolly, Loretta or Earl,
C.U.N.T.R.E.Y.
Who put the cunt in cuntrey ?

Johnny shot a man in Reno,
Just to watch him die,
Walked on down the railroad track,
Didn't even cry, cry, cry.
Mr Paycheck stabbed a man in a parking lot,
Didn't even bat an eye,
Spent 10 years in San Quentin,
Lots of time to wonder why.
I asked Ruby not to go to town,
Then she had to spread her love all around,
Maybe she's the one,
Who put the cunt in cuntrey

Porter taught us all a lesson,
The cold hard facts of life,
He was always in a hurry,
To get to someone elses wife.
Let's not forget about Tammy,
always standing by her man,
Got a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Then she started over again.
She married Conway Twitty,
They moved back to the city,
Didn't treat her real pretty,
Always thinking about Dollys . . . . .
yodel aye ee hee . . .

How Can Evil Look So Good ?

(written and sung by Bob)

george jr is a disgrace to texas
quit drink n and moved back up north
didn t go to vietnam - praise the lord for billy graham
how could evil go so far

say this is a first world d-mock-krass-ee
but it aint good enough for dub-ul-yee
wants to send us off to mars - wants to shut down all the bars
how kin evil work this-a-way

They tried to build a bomb over in bag-dad
But they failed tho we showed em how
With or without the CIA gonna put those foks away
gonna make his daddy proud

he went down to the old VFW
they was a beggin him to give em more
thank the lowered fur ole warmongers
without you we d be put out-of-doors

gonna a start a ranch down in bag-dad
dig a pond with an atom bomb
build a haus on the old yoo-fray-tees
gonna name it after dad and mom

They used to say don t mess with texas
Now its don t mess with the USA
If you re not with us - you re against us
So don t mess with the land of the fray

best bass fish n east of texas
aint no evil al-key-hall
take a few years to repair the highways
then they ll show em how to play baseball

THEY USED TO SAY DON T MESS WITH TEXAS
NOW ITS DON T MESS WITH THE USA
IF YOU RE NOT WITH US - YOU RE AGAINST US
SO DON T MESS WITH THE LAND OF THE FRAY
NO don t mess with the land of the fray

I've Been Your Good Thing

(written by James Moore, sung by Bob)

I Like it That Way

(written and sung by Bob)

I don´t complain too much - least not when i should
Just leave the bad behind honey and worry about the good

yeah i like it that way - i like it that way - yes i do

Baby sleeps at my side and i like it when she do
We woke up on the floor today - all tangled up in goo

and i like it that way.... yes i do

Some folks think that i´m easy to please
If they only knew - they´d get down on their knees
and they´d like it that way
I found a saxophone the other day then
my neighbor moved - far away
and i like it that way
i like it that way
yes i do

well my pick-up truck up an´ died - on the lost highway
but that don´t bother me - ´cause i don t work any way

and yeah ... i like it that way...

my baby is an artist and she paints when she sleeps
always got a story to tell and that´s the way it be

and i like it that way - i like it that way
i do yes i do

Pachinko

(written and sung by Jem)

I'm walking down Roppongi
The night is hot and smoggy
I drink a little coffee
A sake and a beer
I run into a ginja man
He speaks but I don't understand
He grins at me and takes my hand
And whispers in my ear

I play Deji Pachi
I play Deji Pachi
I play Deji Pachi
In my Pachinko dream
I go Uchi Domi
I go Uchi Domi
I go Uchi Domi
In my Pachinko dream

My senses all asunder
I stand and stare in wonder
There's bright light and there's thunder
In Pachinko land
Well versed in the way of Zen
My pockets lined full of yen
I walk the aisle and back again
And sit at Kami's hand

I play Deji Pachi
I play Deji Pachi
I play Deji Pachi
In my Pachinko dream
I go Uchi Domi
I go Uchi Domi
I go Uchi Domi
In my Pachinko dream

I'm on the lexus fever
My hand tight on the lever
I'm shrieking like a diva
Staring in a trance
Turn the handle to the right
A stream of silver balls in flight
It screams and howls a blaze of light
The earth moves below me
I'm laughing tears of sheer delight
As I go Uchi Domi

I play Deji Pachi
I play Deji Pachi
I play Deji Pachi
In my Pachinko dream
I go Uchi Domi
I go Uchi Domi
I go Uchi Domi
In my Pachinko dream

Rocket Ship

(written and sung by Jem)

You say you're too young to love a man like me
Just because you're 13 and I'm 73
Well I realised the solution lies in relativity
Space and time ain't absolute, so said Albert E
But I'm going to need

A rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship . . .
Well I got myself a rocket ship and flew off to the stars
Travelled at the speed of light, stayed a way for a couple of years
According to my 'rithmatic and assuming I survive
When I return I'll be 74 and you'll be 65
Then will you love me
Then will you kiss me
Will you have missed me
When I step down from my

Rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship . . .

This ain´t such a fine mind
I ain´t no Einstein
Now I'm here and you're gone
There's a tombstone with your name on
Somethings gone very wrong
I stayed away too long

On my rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship . . .

I saw the rings of Saturn, saw Jupiter and Mars
Fade in my rear view mirror when I flew off to the stars
And now I'm back at the chicken shack and a pretty girl I spy
Same old problem, same solution, back to space I'll fly

On my rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship, rocket ship . . .

Astropad

(written and sung by Bob)

Dixie Cannonball

(written by Red Foley, sung by Bob)

Home on the Moon

(trad, arranged and adapted by Bob, sung by Bob and Jem)